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I didn't even twitch as he gave me my first rimming to the smooth noises of Lionel Ritchie. However, I did balk when he tried to creep a sneaking finger into my arse — that was NOT part of our agreement. But a slap on his wrist sorted that out. Apart from this, our date passed without major incident. I left and despite repeatedly trying to convince myself that I was comfortable with it all, I did manage to spend a large amount of my new cash on comfort food, drink and fags on the way home. I have yet to see that first man again, but an awkward relationship seems to have developed between the two of us.

As the weeks followed, I received a number of texts from him, all of which demanded my immediate appearance at his house. As time went on, as I continued to reject him, my one and only client grew more and more frustrated. Eventually, not long before I wrote this, he wrote me a depressing text message He was ending it.

He was sweet about it. He told me that 'it just won't work' and that 'he couldn't do it'. But, as is often the case, all it took to soften his resolve was a bit of time. After little more than a week he was texting me again. He is trying to win me back! Unfortunately for him, I'd reached the limit of how much creepy internet shit I could handle, so he's not been receiving any replies for a while — not that that seems to deter him.

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